Feelings of Homesickness

    More often than not, this blog will discuss my experiences as a stage manager and performer. However, I thought I’d touch on something else this week. Homesickness.

    My favorite people in the whole world are my family. My parents are the people I am closest to. We call each other once a day, if not more. My brother is the clown of our house and is always sending me memes about math or history – not that I really understand all of them, but they still make me laugh. My Nanna and I talk less often, but when we do it is always a great conversation that leaves me smiling. My puppy Gracie – she’s five years old, but she will always be a puppy to me – is a huge light in my life and leaving her to come to ONU is always difficult. These four people (and one dog!) make up my home and my heart. The hardest part of leaving home – which for me is in Baltimore, MD – is saying goodbye to the people who matter most.

    This semester’s goodbye was especially difficult. My brother is getting older and just took his driver’s license. It feels odd that I’m not going to be there to witness these milestones for him when he was there for all of mine. Gracie looked so sad when I had to start the drive back to ONU. She’s not usually a cuddly dog, but she just wanted to snuggle the whole morning up until I left. My Nanna is getting older and sometimes I worry that something will happen to her. I try not to think about that too much and call her whenever I can. My mom is my comfort person and gives the best hugs when I am sad or scared. Learning to stage manage without her help has been so hard. Leaving my dad may have been the most difficult goodbye of all, and you’ll soon see why.

    Two years ago, my dad was diagnosed with colon cancer. It was always a possibility, since he grew up with ulcerative colitis – another condition that affects the colon. He was deemed cancer free a year later. However, this spring at a routine CT scan, his doctor found a new tumor in his pelvis. He has been going through chemotherapy all summer to combat this. About a month before I left for school, we learned that my dad’s tumors had spread up to his abdomen. He has been to many specialists to see what kinds of treatment he is eligible for or if they could recommend any additional therapies, but so far, the answers have all been, “Continue chemotherapy and reevaluate in a few months.” Leaving him, and my family, while this is going on has made me feel so guilty and nervous. I am certainly glad for my busy schedule to keep my mind focused on other things.

    Homesickness really is the worst feeling in the world, especially when it is mixed in with guilt and anxiety. But like my mom says, “At least we have FaceTime! There was no FaceTime when I was in college.” Talking to them every day has made me feel so much better, even in just a few weeks’ time. 💗